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Click on a question and read
the answer below:
Q I
can't get my spouse or partner to come to counseling.
What
can I
do?
A You have several options.
*One is to suggest going on a one-time basis to get introduced
and see
if this therapist is someone with whom the two of you might
feel
comfortable.
*Another idea is to suggest that the reluctant spouse be the
one to
choose a therapist. Pressuring usually does not work and can
be a
deterrent to having a successful outcome.
*Engaging your spouse in a heart to heart talk about how he or
she
feels about counseling could yield results. Often, the
reluctant
spouse
feels he or she is being blamed for the problems and is
expecting to be
put on the "hot seat." Encouragement goes much farther than
criticism.
*Finally, you can come in for individual counseling instead.
Working
on one's personal issues often has a positive influence on a
relationship,
and in any case will provide clarity in how to
handle
problems in marriage.
TOP
Q
What is the difference
between all the different kinds of counselors
and does it matter?
A Some
differences have to do with the theories a therapist works
from, and some have to do with the kinds of people and
problems the therapist specializes in.
*For example, if you
are dealing with substance abuse, domestic
violence, or past trauma, it makes sense to find someone
experienced in
working with those problems.
*What theories a
therapist has studied and majored in may be less
important to your choice than other factors.
*The most important
thing to consider in finding a good
therapist--given that he or she is adequately trained and
experienced,
and practices in an ethical manner--is how you feel about
working with
that particular therapist. Success in the therapy relationship
is
built on trust.
TOP
Q
Do you see individuals or
just couples?
A I like to
tell people I see women with or without their spouses.
That is because it is so often women who take the initiative
to get
help from a counselor. There are times a spouse will join in
the therapy
after they see the benefits the partner in therapy is gaining.
But
many men also take the initiative in this matter, and I do see
many
individuals, both male and female. I also like to say that I
see
people from pre-engagement strategizing to post-divorce
recovery!
TOP
Q
What are your specialties?
A The people
who come to see me bring in a variety of issues. Many
times, we do work on self-esteem, stress management, and
grief.
Communication skills and conflict resolution are common
topics. I have
a special sensitivity to cross cultural diversity and have
particular
experience with the chronically mentally ill and those
suffering with
depression and past abuse issues.
TOP
Q
What is your training?
A I have a
Masters degree from Seattle Pacific University and am a
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I belong to the
American
Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). My work
with
people is from a "systems based" perspective. This means that
I
consider people in the context of their family relationships,
even when
doing individual work.
TOP
Q
What happens first?
A
Of course, first there is some paperwork which I keep as
simple as
possible. Then, I work with people at the level where they
present
themselves. If you come in overwhelmed or in crisis, we will
work
around that first. Deeper work can be done once you are more
stabilized. For example, if you are suicidal or in danger of
assault,
we will first establish a safety plan for you. Therapy is a
process,
and actually, much like a journey. It is different for
everyone, but
the basic elements are the same. You have someone professional
and
objective with whom you can discuss personal and difficult
matters, and
you make progress toward solutions.
TOP
LINKS
You may find these links interesting:
Contact
me at Sunray Counseling, a place for hope and healing.
(425) 652-1413
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