It’s a real challenge when your life partner has a different opinion than you on something which ends up causing you true dissension.
There are many things we can differ on with other people and not get particularly offended, for example, simple preferences where each can easily have their own choices accommodated. This might include things like what you order to eat in a restaurant, clothing you wear or how you arrange your office.
Even though some folks may choose to get into a huge conflict on these possibly more minor differences (where we’d like to think it’s fairly easy to find a win-win), when it comes to faith and values, these differences can be truly more aggravating and potentially divisive.
Those being the opposite ends of the spectrum, what about when you or your partner believes it is essential to get some couples counseling, or to visit a financial expert to work out important issues, and the other does not? What about when one is feeling unmet needs? What do you do in a situation like that?
Is it a deal breaker for you?
Join this discussion in telling me what some of your deal breakers are, and how you persuade your partner to see your angle on something. Good brainstorming discussions can make all the difference in finding solutions.
It all begins with a conversation.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I think “listening” and respecting, truly listening and not just going through the motions, goes a long way. Even if you and your partner are not at a point of agreement on say, whether to go to counseling or not, taking the baby steps of listening goes a long way in (re-)building trust and the respect bridge. You can still discuss the issue of going to counseling tomorrow, while starting to practice the art of listening today.
Respectful listening truly makes all the difference in everything, doesn’t it, Deborah? We can always build on that. Thanks so much for your wise comments. And it shows in your relationships too..!
Being fully present and really listening – not waiting to jump in with your own agenda. Holding no judgement or resentment (which builds up) and leaves a heavy energy between you and the other person. If something happens and you don’t agree, acknowledge the other person – and reiterate back, “this is what I hear” and you can also share how you feel this impacts them and how this impacts me – and together look at a solution. A win win for both parties and taking fully responsibility for our own actions.
Ah, that being fully present is a real key, Moira. Can be a challenge holding our horses and waiting to reply until we’re really listening and have listened.
Love what you’ve shared here, Moira..! Thanks for being part of this discussion 😉
Sheryl, Ah yes “Be here Now” is an awesome concept. Real tough to do when we are preoccupied about sooo many thoughts, how to please, how to confront, how to feel better, or how to escape the situation. If you can not be candid an honest about your feelings and needs there will certainly be a disconnect sometimes so much that partners have no way or no understanding of how to get that feeling of love back. Once that happens people leave or merely exist within the relationship. It is so important to listen but equally important is to speak up…even at the risk of hurting others feelings. I’ve learned to be responsible for what I say and not worry so much about what others understand.
So true, Brien..! Be candid, be yourself, speak up. We can only do *our* part of the communication. We can’t guarantee the reaction or response we’ll get. Always good to use what we get in return, however, as input to finesse our delivery, while still being our genuine selves. Better connection is the end result, even if we end up going over some bumps..!
Always glad to have your input!
Very eloquent, Brien..!